He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
