They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize