I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
