tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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