Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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