She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
