I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your cock deserves a montage
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
