Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
