Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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