it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
