saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
