but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
