Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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