Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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