Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize