I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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