I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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