Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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