some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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