Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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