I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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