Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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