I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
and you said cock pushups were impossible
that's an acceptable place to lick
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
