p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
