There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
