You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
