Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
