So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
