i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i now understand why vodka
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
