I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
