...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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