thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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