if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
