Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
