I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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