some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
