My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
