1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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