You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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