Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
