Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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