I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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