Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
