Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
