Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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