You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sober January is a disaster.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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