I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
