i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
