I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
