Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
