eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
