the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize