so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
