4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
did i walk over a car last night?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
