Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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