he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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