well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
