You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
