She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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