i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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