I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize