Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
