i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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