margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
