And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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