Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
tell me about the eggs
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