I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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